


Slay My Demons.

by demonsonthemoon



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:51:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4824383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsonthemoon/pseuds/demonsonthemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermann Gottlieb lies in a hospital bed, a machine steadily beeping as it monitors his hearbeat.</p>
<p>He wishes he knew how it feels to fly.</p>
<p>It takes him a second to realise that he does.</p>
<p>(Short character study exploring the results of drifting with kaiju.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slay My Demons.

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I listen to David by Noah Gundersen five times in a row.

Hermann Gottlieb lies in a hospital bed, a machine steadily beeping as it monitors his hearbeat.

The bed next to his is empty while Newton gets his brain scanned _again_. Hermann sighs and stares at the grey ceiling.

He wishes he could see the stars. Trace patterns between them like he used to do, sitting on the front step of his house during Bavarian summer nights. He wishes he could reach for them with childish innocence again, raise his arm and try to grab the specks of light with two of his fingers. He wishes he knew how it feels to fly.

It takes him a second to realise that he does.

He doesn't understand how the drift works, despite having coded a large part of the Jaegers' original software. He has only ever been interested in the mechanical process of the drift, in the way both machine and brains formed signals that could be transmitted to one another. He has never taken time to reflect on how the drift affects human.

Alone in an impersonal white room, he has nothing else to do but reflect.

And so he looks through his memories of the drift. He tries to not dwell on Newton's past, a poor attempt at giving the man privacy. Hermann bites his lips as he re-lives moments of his own childhood, anger swelling up in his chest as a paper ball hits his head and comments rain behind him. The anger gives way to pain, which in turns gives way to hunger, which guides him to the memories of the Kaiju Hivemind dormant in his brain.

There are so many of them. So many kaiju and so many _others_ , all connected, all thinking at the same time, and Hermann's head immediately starts aching. The monitor next to him starts beeping faster and faster, but he ignores it and pushes through until he can finally latch himself on a short series of sensations -

Hermann takes a deep breath as he/Otachi spreads his wings and takes flight. There is a weight between his fingers/claws, and he doesn't see it as a Jaeger but as an enemy. This is the thing that causes the pain, and so he has to destroy it. The whole situation is simple, beautiful in its straightforwardness. You fight what causes you pain, you destroy and you _survive_.

There is power surging through Hermann's bones. He is bigger, stronger than he has every been before, and yet he feels light as he glides through the air. There is no ache in his body, just a clean edge of pain from the injuries caused by Gypsy Danger. For once, he can focus all of his anger outwards, towards the weight in his hands.

He breathes air unlike anything he has ever tasted before, air so good, so high, that it makes him feel light-headed.

He could reach the stars, like this.

He could do _anything_.

Until a hand touches his shoulder and he feels it like a sword cutting through his skin.

He opens his eyes and screams, screams in anger, screams in pain, screams in relief because after years of biting his lips he finally _can_.

There is a crash next to him as somebody falls to the ground, but Hermann is barely conscious of it. His breaths are coming fast and there are tears in his eyes. He lets them drip down his cheeks and looks up to the grey ceiling once more, seeing stars from another world reflected there in abstract blue patterns.


End file.
